Those Walls I Built
by Laura8881
Summary: Lily muses upon her feelings for James as she listens to his song.


Hi! So I know it's been a while since I've written. And I know I'm none too reliable when following up with stories. This is largely not because I don't want to write, but because I lack inspiration. Or rather, my inspiration is my own life, and nothing dramatic happens or I just lose interest in someone, and hence the feelings that sparked the story die. With that being said, this is a one-shot for now. I honestly can't promise to continue it, because I don't know how I would. I honestly can't picture a point in the story after this, but if I get enough requests I may try. Maybe I just like writing somewhat sad, dissatisfying stories that don't end happily or in heartbreak. Anyway, review please, and I'll consider continuing it.

Disclaimer: Characters belong to JK Rowling. The song 'Halo' belongs to Beyonce. I in no way claim ownership over either of these.

Also, while the song is in the story, it's merely because I thought it fit, it is not intended to be song James is singing, that is left up to the reader.

She stood there and watched him sing. And in that moment, she fell in love again.

_Remember those walls I built? _

_Well baby they're tumbling down_

_They didn't even put up a fight_

_They didn't even make a sound_

It was the annual talent show at Hogwarts, and for whatever reason she had decided to come. She knew he'd be singing, of course she'd known that. He had told her after all. Mentioned it in gleeful excitement for days. They were friends now.

_I found a way to let you in_

_But I never really had a doubt_

_Standing in the light of your halo_

_I got my angel now_

It was truly odd, the saga of their relationship. The first time she'd seen him, she had developed a small crush. This she had fought for ages. For years she had ignored him, tried to fight it. Then, when they became Head Boy and Girl, they became friends. And now, no matter how in love she was with him, she knew she'd never tell him. They just simply could not be. Perhaps they were too alike. Perhaps they were that they were meant to be. They had glanced at each other and laughed. It had broken her heart.

_It's like I've been awakened_

_Every rule I had you breaking_

_It's the risk that I'm taking_

_I ain't never gonna shut you out_

His behavior was equally puzzling. He had promised at the end of the previous year that he was over her and would torment her no longer, he would stop his silly games. And from that moment he on, he had been perfectly civil, perfectly friendly, perfectly platonic. And now, he never went beyond the bounds of friendship, though his behavior was confusing. He asked her to spend time with him alone. Laughed with her. Complimented her. Wanted to know everything about her life. Called her affectionate nicknames. When she told him about a Muggle band she liked, he had started listening to them. And yet, he never tried to take their relationship beyond friendship. He was simply James.

_Everywhere I'm looking now_

_I'm surrounded by your embrace_

_Baby I can see your halo_

_You know you're my saving grace_

It was frustrating. She thought she'd finally gotten over him. At the very least, she had stopped feeling butterflies. Her stomach no longer leaped when she got a note from him in class. And the sleepless nights were becoming less frequent. She was quite content thinking she was over her crush. Then he announced this talent show taking place over break.

_You're everything I need and more_

_It's written all over your face_

_Baby I can feel your halo_

_Pray it won't fade away_

She had been planning on going home. She supposed there were other factors involved in her decision to stay. Other friends were staying. It was her last year. She did have work to get done. But she knew that the first person that had popped into her head when she was making her decision was James. He was the highest factor on her list. And she hated herself for it. She was a rational young woman. She was not supposed to make decisions based on a boy. A crush was one thing. But actually letting him be a decisive factor in anything? It was at that moment that she knew that the absence of the butterflies was not telling. Rather she had simply grown used to her crush. And it had blossomed into more. She was in love.

_I can see your halo_

_Hit me like a ray of sun_

_Burning through my dark night_

_You're the only one that I want_

_And I'm addicted to your light_

He was the one person she would do almost anything for. It was scary. She knew that if he asked her for something, she'd be hard pressed to refuse. She would do more for him than she would for many of her best friends. Or her family. It was truly frightening to her.

_I swore I'd never fall again_

_But this don't even feel like falling_

_Gravity can't forget_

_To pull me back to the ground again_

She knew she'd rather love him than anyone else. He made her laugh. He made her happy. She could spend hours around him and not grow bored. He understood her, or came as close as anyone could. She felt safe around him. Simply happy.

_It's like I've been awakened_

_Every rule I had you breaking_

_It's the risk that I'm taking_

_I ain't never gonna shut you out_

The problem was that they could not be happy. He was a fantasy. An angel. Maybe she was simply too afraid to get her heart broken. Maybe she was afraid of ruining their friendship. Maybe she simply hoped that in time her feelings would fade.

_Everywhere I'm looking now_

_I'm surrounded by your embrace_

_Baby I can see your halo_

_You know you're my saving grace_

_You're everything I need and more_

_It's written all over your face_

_Baby I can feel your halo_

_Pray it won't fade away_

And as she watched him finish his song up on stage, she realized her features had been frozen in a smile since he'd started. She had almost cried, it was so beautiful. She knew she was gazing at him with an expression of love. And her inner battle raged on whether or not she should or would ever tell him.

As said, I don't know what to write next. Obviously I'd love to write a happy end, and hey if something nice develops in my life I may have the inspiration to do so. We'll see. Let me know what you think, even if you think it's the worst story ever written.


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